screenwriting

Pages twelve and thirteen

I’m not sure if I technically wrote the scene properly. The action is Sam getting the money and taking it to the drop off point. The dialogue is Scene One continued. I hope it makes sense.

As for the drop off point, I need to go look for a good location so I can accurately set that up. I’ll probably go generic, but I love it when I recognize places in movies and I’m trying to do the same thing here.

(pages 12 & 13)
Sam sits patiently waiting for his money.

OFFSCREEN A telephone rings several times.

SAM (V.O.)
Hello?

VOICE (V.O.)
Where the fuck is my money?

SAM (V.O.)
What?

VOICE (V.O.)
You fucking heard me. Where the fuck is my money?

SAM (V.O.)
I’ve been busy getting it set up. I’ll have it tomorrow and bring it by.

Murphy brings the suitcase of money, sits down, opens it up and shows it to Sam.

VOICE (V.O.)
That’s no good.

Sam picks up one of the rolls of money and counts the money in the roll.

SAM (V.O.)
No? Why not?

Sam finishes counting the money in the roll and starts counting the numbers of rows. He finishes and closes the briefcase.

INT CAR – CONTINUOUS

Sam is in his car driving.

VOICE (V.O.)
There’s too much heat here. I need to you to drop it off at a different location.

SAM (V.O.)
Where at?

VOICE (V.O.)
Blah, blah, blah….I need to do some research here and come up with a good spot in downtown Detroit for Sam to put the money. I’d like an obscure place where he can throw the money in a dumpster. I’d also like him to fall into a mud puddle while doing it. These commands start annoying Sam.

SAM (V.O.)
Are you fucking with me? I’m not a god damn errand boy. Send one of your lackeys.

EXT. DOWNTOWN DETROIT – CONTINUOUS

Sam exits the car with the briefcase and starts walking to the location.

VOICE (V.O.)
Hey, asshole! Who owes who money here? Shut the fuck up and do what I say.

He walks down a grass patch and stumbles at the bottom of the hill and falls into a puddle of mud.

SAM (V.O.)
Then are you done with directions or do I need to hire a stenographer?

Sam finds a dumpster and stuffs the briefcase in it.

VOICE (V.O.)
The money better fucking be there.

Pages nine, ten and eleven

I’ve dreaded writing this scene forever. I haven’t been sure what I wanted to do with it. Do I want to put in the details of the amount, collateral and all that crap? In the end, I decided against it. All we need to know is that Sam needed a loan to raise the money to pay off Jimmy. I think the rest is irrelevant.

I’m afraid that this is the kind of scene that slows down a movie and has people reaching for the remote control. But I like it and I think it came out better than I would’ve envisioned before I sat down to write it.

(pages 9, 10 & 11)
INT BANK – MORNING

Sam enters the bank carrying a briefcase. A GREETER welcomes Sam at the door.

GREETER
Good morning. Can I help you?

SAM
Is Mr. Murphy in this morning.

GREETER
Sure is. Why don’t you have a seat and I’ll see if he’s available.

Sam has a seat.

He picks up a financial magazine and looks at the front cover. The front cover has some smug looking man in a suit with a cigar in his mouth and money burning in his hand. The caption on the magazine reads: Take Financial Control Of Your Life!

Sam throws the magazine back on the table.

SAM
Ugh.

MR. MURPHY, 30s, baby-faced and dressed in a suit, walks over to Sam.

MR. MURPHY
Mr. Goldstein, how are you doing today?

SAM
Fine.

Sam stands up.

SAM
You’ve got everything in order?

MR. MURPHY
I sure do. Just follow me into my office.

Sam follows Murphy into his office.

The office is a typical cubicle style and everything is particularly neat. There is nothing to show that it’s even Murphy’s office, except for the name tag on the desk that reads John Murphy.

Murphy grabs a file behind his desk and transfer it to his desk. He opens it and starts pulling out papers.

MR. MURPHY
I just need you to sign some paperwork here. Take a look here and you’ll see these are the terms we’ve agreed to.

Murphy points at the paper. Sam raises his eyes.

Sam starts signing.

MR. MURPHY
Yeah, just sign where you see those yellow tabs.

Sam quickly signs where he needs to and doesn’t even read the paperwork.

MR. MURPHY
That’s interesting.

SAM
What is?

MR. MURPHY
Every other attorney I’ve had in here, getting a loan, read every single word on the page. It’ll take them an hour sometimes.

SAM
Is there someting in here I should be worried about? Balloon payments and all that bullshit?

MR. MURPHY
Oh no, no, no. I’m just saying that if I’d known you weren’t going to read it, I would have put that bullshit in there.

Sam just stares at him.

MR. MURPHY
I’m sorry, sir. It was a bad joke.

Sam finishes signing.

SAM
Where’s the money?

Murphy pulls out a certified check from the file.

MR. MURPHY
Should I deposit this into your account?

SAM
No. I’ll take cash.

MR. MURPHY
I’m sorry?

SAM
Cash. I want it in cash. All hundreds if possible. Put it in this.

Sam puts his briefcase on the desk. He opens it and it’s empty.

MR. MURPHY
I’m sorry, but I don’t think we can do that.

SAM
Why not?

MR. MURPHY
I don’t think we have that kind of cash.

SAM
You’re a bank.

MR. MURPHY
I know, but…

SAM
But what?

MR. MURPHY
I’ll be right back.

Murphy exits his cubicle. Sam sits back.

Sam looks around the office, but there is nothing interesting to look at. Sam turns to look for Murphy. He sees Murphy in an office talking to another BANKER. They talk for about two minutes.

Murphy exits the other banker’s office and walks back to his cubicle.

MR. MURPHY
Okay, Mr. Goldstein, let me have your briefcase and I’ll be right back with your money.

Murphy turns to go to the vault. Sam stops him.

SAM
John?

Murphy turns back around.

MR. MURPHY
Yes, sir?

SAM
Am I going to have to count it?

MR. MURPHY
No, sir.

Page seven and eight

Just plugging along.

(Pages seven and eight)

INT. OFFICE – MORNING

Sam enters his modest office. His legal assistant, CHERYL, attractive 50s, is sitting behind a desk working.

She grabs a pile of folders and lays them in front of her.

CHERYL
You need to sign the motions for Parker and Mills and we need to file these three petitions.

Sam grabs the files and starts signing away.

SAM
I need the petty cash.

Cheryl grabs a small tin from her desk and gives it to Sam.

Sam grabs all the money in it.

SAM
Is this it?

CHERYL
You haven’t seen a client this week.

SAM
Yeah, well, I’ve been busy.

CHERYL
With what?

SAM
Stuff.

Sam takes all the money in the tin and hands it back to Cheryl.

CHERYL
Don’t take it all. I’ll need change.

SAM
For what? You expecting a client today?

CHERYL
You never know.

SAM
Send them next door to get change. I’m going to the bank.

CHERYL
The bank? For what? Damn it, Sam, you’re not gambling again are you?

SAM
Don’t worry about it.

CHERYL
I’ll worry about it when it’s my paycheck you’re gambling.

Sam is out the door before she gets her last word in.

INT. BANK – MORNING

A GREETER welcomes Sam at the door.

GREETER
Good morning. Can I help you?

SAM
Is Mr. Murphy in this morning.

GREEETER
Sure is. Why don’t you have a seat and I’ll see if he’s available.

Sam has a seat.

Page six

I need to do backgrounds on all of my main characters and get their loves, fears, ambitions, desires and all that crap fleshed out. It might create better dialogue and scenes. I’ll worry about it later. I’m trying to keep pace with the date. Today is the 8th and I’ve only written 6 1/2 pages, so I’m getting behind. I’ll try to get caught up tonight.

Here’s page six:

INT. JIMMY’S OFFICE – CONTINUOUS

DINO, 40s, is sitting in a chair across from a desk.

JIMMY
I never thought I’d have to chase you down, Dino.

Jimmy sits across from him at the desk.

DINO
I’m sorry, Jimmy, I’m sorry. Look, man, I got in over my head. I was double-crossed. I had a buyer lined up and on the way…

JIMMY
(interupts)
Dino, I don’t want the labor pains. Just deliver the baby.

DINO
What?

JIMMY
Aren’t women expensive?

DINO
What? Yeah, sure. I guess so.

JIMMY
You guess so? Didn’t Perry find you with your girlfriend, cheating on your wife?

DINO
Yeah.

Jimmy gets out of his chair and sits across Dino.

JIMMY
I have a wife. She’s expensive. Always with the shoes. So here I am, with a wife that I can barely afford, loaning you money. And you have a wife AND a girlfriend and you’re borrowing money from me.

There’s a several second pause in the room.

DINO
I don’t know what you want, Jimmy?

JIMMY
What I want? I want my money back plus the juice that’s owed on it on the date I’ve provided you to return it.

DINO
But I don’t have the money.

JIMMY
So I guess we have a dilemma. I guess, since you spent all my money on your girlfriend, I’ll have to have a girlfriend myself. Martin, go get me a girlfriend.

MARTIN
Yes, sir.

DINO
Jimmy, don’t, please. She has nothing to do with it.

JIMMY
Give me my money back and I’ll give you your girlfriend back.

Page three

It’s not lighting the world on fire, but I’ll take Stephen King’s suggestion and just keep writing no matter how crappy it is. Hopefully, by the end, it’ll be a decent script. I still have to figure out a funny story for page two.

(page three)
Jimmy stands up and leads Martin through the restaurant, towards the kitchen.

JIMMY
What is it?

MARTIN
We found Dino.

JIMMY
Good. Where was he?

MARTIN
He was staying with a girlfriend.

INT. KITCHEN – CONTINUOUS

Jimmy and Martin continue the conversation into the kitchen.

JIMMY
How did you find his girlfriend’s location?

MARTIN
His wife told us.

The sounds of banging pots and pans, food sizzling and cooks shouting goes unnoticed by Jimmy and Martin as they make their way through it to a pair of steps that lead into the basement.

INT. BASEMENT – CONTINUOUS

The basement is dark and dingy with cheap wood shelves built to store the restaurant’s supplies. There are small puddles of water in the basement.

Jimmy and Martin descend the steps into the basement.

They walk through the basement to a door located in the back.

Martin knocks.
PERRY, 50s, a very large man, opens a sliver and peers out. He see’s that it’s Martin and he opens the door.

New Year’s resolution

I’ll admit it — I’m lazy. I have a great life and am pretty content with everything the way it is, so my ambition and drive isn’t what it should be. I don’t worry about kids (don’t have ’em), mortgage (girlfriend pays it), food (it’s fairly cheap) or vehicle (paid off). About the only thing I worry about lately is the health and happiness of my parents and my girlfriend’s parents. It’s time to make a change.

This year, I have only one goal: to have a script ready to shoot in 2013. I have several things I’d like to achieve on my bucket list and directing a feature length film is the number one thing on it. So this year I’m going to attack it with vigor. And I’m going to use this blog to help me.

Every day, I’m going to share with the readers a page of the script with my notes and insights. I’d love to get responses, comments and ideas on how to make it better. Think of it as one big world wide writing group.

Basically, the blog idea is to keep me from being lazy. I figure if I have to have something to share with people then I better have something to share. I’m only lazy on a personal level. When it comes to work, I work. I mean, when I had a job, I busted my ass and I don’t think there’s anyone that would say differently. Except maybe that one job at Fuddruckers. Sorry, Mary. So I think this plan will take me out of my comfort level and force me to be creative, and more importantly, just work.

I still haven’t decided which script to write yet, so that will be my objective for tomorrow. I do know that I’ll be working with a micro budget. I don’t have financing yet, but I believe I can raise at least $50,000, if not more. So I’d like to keep that number in mind when writing (that means no car crashes). And since it’s a low number, I’d like to have as few characters as possible. In low budget films, acting is usually the worst thing in them, and I’d like that to be a strength in mine. So the less actors, the better odds.

Here are some of my ideas (I may select based on feedback of what people would like to watch):

1) A widower’s life begins to spiral out of control when he begins to gamble away his life savings and gets in deep with the mob.

2) Burdened by debt, a young man begins to lose his sanity as his life gets more and more difficult every day.

3) After he discovers his girlfriend has been raped, a student surgeon exacts revenge.