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The forever student.

Archive for March, 2012

I’m not finished with the scene. The phone call at the end is the phone call that starts the action in the first script. I’ve heard from several people that starting with the phone call is not the way to go, so I’m taking their suggestions to heart and trying something new.

(pages 13,14 & 15)
EXT. SAM’S HOUSE – NIGHT

The Taxi Driver pulls into the driveway of a large Victorian style home.

INT. TAXI – CONTINUOUS

TAXI DRIVER
Yo, my man, you rich?

There is no response.

TAXI DRIVER
YO!

The Taxi Driver turns and sees that Sam is passed out.

TAXI DRIVER
Shit!

EXT. TAXI – CONTINUOUS

The Taxi Driver exits his taxi and goes to the back door. He opens it and reaches in.

INT. TAXI – CONTINUOUS

The Taxi Driver lightly slaps Sam in the face, but Sam doesn’t wake up. So the Driver slaps a couple of more times and keeps slapping harder each time. Sam is unwavering.

TAXI DRIVER
Are you fucking kidding me?

The Taxi Driver climbs out of the car.

EXT. SAM’S HOUSE – CONTINUOUS

The Taxi Driver climbs the front porch and rings the doorbell. No one answers. He rings again. Again nothing.

INT. TAXI – CONTINUOUS

The Taxi Driver starts rummaging through Sam’s pockets until he finds the keys. As he exits, he drags Sam out with him.

EXT. TAXI – CONTINUOUS

The Taxi Drivers slings Sam over his shoulder fireman style and carries him to the house.

The Driver gets to the door and tries three different keys until he finds the right one.

TAXI DRIVER
Man, I hope you don’t have an alarm system.

INT. SAM’S HOUSE – CONTINUOUS

The Driver carries Sam in. He sees the couch in the living room and it looks too small and uncomfortable. He looks at the stairs leading up to the second floor.

TAXI DRIVER
I’m taking an extra big tip for this.

He starts climbing the stairs.

INT. SAM’S BEDROOM – CONTINUOUS

The Taxi Driver places Sam on the bed and removes his shoes.

The Driver starts rummaging through Sam’s pockets until he finds Sam’s wallet. He opens it and there’s several hundred dollars in it. The driver pulls out three twenties and puts it on Sam’s nightstand.

The Driver goes to exit the bedroom and stops. He returns to the wallet, opens it and takes all the money. He exits the bedroom.

Sam stirs in his bed and wakes up. He notices his surroundings and realizes he’s home. He climbs out of bed and staggers towards the bathroom attached to the room.

INT. BATHROOM – CONTINUOUS

Sam races towards the toilet and throws up. He finishes and flushes.

Sam goes to the sink and runs the water. He washes his face and rinses out his mouth. He finishes and turns off the water. When he raises his head from the sink, the Woman from his office earlier is standing behind him. She grabs Sam’s head with her left hand pulling it back to expose his neck and uses her right hand to slice his throat with the scalpel.

Sam clutches his throat and falls backwards into the shower, bring down the curtains with him. Blood is spurting everywhere and the Woman is gone.

INT. SAM’S BEDROOM – CONTINUOUS

Sam wakes up gasping for air and clutching his throat. His breathing rate quickens as he continues to suck in air. He looks around the room.

The phone rings, startling him.

Sam lets it ring several seconds before he answers.

(pages 10, 11 & 12)
INT. SMALL’S BAR – NIGHT

A low-brow neighborhood bar. A dark and seedy place. Not the kind of place you’d expect a surgeon to drop by. There is a long bar rail with bar stools and only a handful of booths and tables.

There is no one at the bar rail and only a few people seated at the booth.

The proprietor and current bartender, LOU SMALLS, 52, looking every part the biker with long gray streaked hair and beard, tattoos running up and down each arm with a white short sleeve t-shirt, blue jeans and silver chain attached to his wallet in his back pocket, is wiping beer steins clean when Sam walks in.

LOU
Hey, Sam. How are you doing?

SAM
Hey, Lou. Give me a glass of your finest scotch. I’m celebrating.

Sam has a seat at the bar.

Lou grabs a bottle of scotch.

LOU
Oh yeah? What’s the occasion?

SAM
I retired today.

LOU
No shit? Well, congratulations!

Lou pours the scotch in a tumbler over some ice cubes.

LOU
How many years were you there?

SAM
Too many. Too fucking many.

Lou plops the drink on a napkin in front of Sam.

LOU
That one’s on me. Congratulations, again.

SAM
Thanks a lot, Lou. I appreciate it.

LOU
Let me pour one for myself and we can toast.

Lou pours the same drink for himself.

Lou holds his glass up.

LOU
To retirement.

Sam goes to pick up his glass, and just before he grabs it, his hand starts to tremble. He snags it with his opposite hand and holds it.

LOU
Is something wrong.

SAM
No. No. I’m fine.

Sam lets his hand go and grabs his drink and holds it up.

SAM
To retirement.

The two tap glasses together and drink. Lou takes a sip. Sam drinks the whole thing.

Sam smacks the glass back down.

SAM
Another, sir.

Time has passed and the bar is full with all the bar stools taken and most of the tables occupied.

Sam can barely keep his eyes open and is swaying in his stool. He puts his arm on the bar and starts tapping it to get Lou’s attention.

Lou comes over.

LOU
I’ve got a taxi on the way, Sam. He’s going to take you home.

SAM
I want another drink.

Lou pours him a glass of water.

LOU
Here’s some water.

SAM
(speech is slurred)
I don’t want water. Another scotch!

LOU
I can’t Sam, it’s closing time. The taxi is going to take you home.
Sam closes his eyes.

SAM
I don’t want to go home. There’s nothing for me there.

More time passes and the bar has fewer people in it. The TAXI DRIVER, a black man, 36, enters.

TAXI DRIVER
Lou, who needs a taxi?

Lou points to Sam who has his head buried into his arms on the bar. He appears to be sleeping.

TAXI DRIVER
Really? You wanna give me a hand?

The Taxi Driver and Lou carry Sam out the door.

While the next scene is similar to the previous script, I’ve made some changes to it. The main change is Jimmy becoming violent. Other than his commands, he isn’t violent in the other draft. I wanted him to be a more dangerous antagonist so I’m adding that edge to him.

I’ve also created this new character, Saul, that I like a lot. I may try to figure out a way for him to become involved later.

(pages 4-9)

INT. RESTAURANT – AFTERNOON

A large restaurant in downtown Greektown in Detroit, Michigan. It has
three levels that uses a marble slabbed staircase to get up each level.

The first level, other than two small booths directly across from the entrance, is mostly composed of large booths to host larger parties.

At one of the large booths, ALWAYS near the entrance for Jimmy, is JIMMY DIMITRIOS, 56 with four of his other cronies: ANGELO, NICKOLAS, LARRY & GUS. The five are fixed in after-dinner conversation.

ANGELO
…she’s the fucking nastiest bitch I’ve ever seen at a strip club. I thought that sign “one ugly one” was fake just to make you laugh. I had no idea they actually went out and fucking found an ugly one. And I know it’s Saul. I look over at him and he’s got this shit eating grin on his face and I’m thinking to myself, “I am going to kill this motherfucker.”

The table laughs.

ANGELO
I’m fucking serious. I thought I was going to take that motherfucker out into the parking lot and kill him.

LARRY
Speaking of Saul, where has he been?

GUS
I don’t know. I haven’t heard from him. He hasn’t been to church in a while either.

ANGELO
I hope he’s dead.

LARRY
Hey! That’s not nice to…

JIMMY
(interrupting)
Speak of the devil!

A well dressed old man, SAUL, 71, is fighting with the door of the entrance and the door is winning. The CASHIER runs over to give Saul a hand opening the door. Saul is using a cane and limps through the door using it.

SAUL
(to the Cashier)
God damn! Why do you make the doors so hard to open? You don’t want any customers?

CASHIER
I’m sorry, sir.

JIMMY
(yelling over the restaurant)
SAUL! Never mind the door and get over here.

Jimmy uses his arm to motion him over.

Saul limps over.

SAUL
I swear to God, if I come back and those doors are still there, I’m never coming back!

JIMMY
The doors have been there for fifty years and they’re not going anywhere. Where the fuck have you been?

Saul has a seat at the booth.

SAUL
I just got out of the hospital. My wife ran me over.

ANGELO
What?

SAUL
What, are you deaf? I SAID MY WIFE RAN ME OVER!

ANGELO
Okay, Saul, quit being a prick.

Saul puts his hand to his ear.

SAUL
(acting deaf)
YOU WANT MY PRICK? I knew when you wouldn’t fuck that stripper you were a queer.

The table erupts in laughter.

LARRY
Okay, okay, enough of the bullshit. Why did your wife try to run you over?

SAUL
Eeeeh, she found out about my mistress.

LARRY
You’re mistress? Saul, you’re seventy years old!

SAUL
So? That doesn’t mean I don’t have a dick.

Again the table laughs.

SAUL
I still want to fuck. And if the ball and chain isn’t going to do her job, I’m going to find someone that will.

While Saul was in his conversation a well-dressed handsome man, MARTIN VAKALIS, 42, strolls over to the table and leans into Jimmy’s ear and whispers something.

JIMMY
Excuse me gentlemen, I have some business to take care of.

As Jimmy and Martin walk away from the table we hear Saul in the background:

SAUL
Who do I have to fuck to get a drink around here?

JIMMY
That fucking Saul is something else. Where did you find him?

MARTIN
He was staying with a girlfriend.

Jimmy leads Martin towards the back of the restaurant and into the kitchen.

INT. KITCHEN – CONTINUOUS

Jimmy and Martin continue the conversation into the kitchen.

JIMMY
How did you find his girlfriend’s location?

MARTIN
His wife told us.

JIMMY
No shit? Another husband fucking his wife over.

The sounds of banging pots and pans, food sizzling and cooks shouting goes unnoticed by Jimmy and Martin as they make their way through it to a pair of steps that lead into the basement.

INT. BASEMENT – CONTINUOUS

The basement is dark and dingy with cheap wood shelves built to store the restaurant’s supplies. There are small puddles of water in the basement.

Jimmy and Martin descend the steps into the basement. They walk through the basement to a door in the back.

Martin knocks.

PERRY KONSTINTINA, 48, a very large man, opens a sliver of the door and peers out. He see’s that it’s Martin and he opens the door.
Martin and Jimmy walk in.

INT. JIMMY’S OFFICE – CONTINUOUS

DINO SISTANI, 45, is sitting in a chair across from a desk.

JIMMY
I never thought I’d have to chase you down, Dino.

Jimmy sits on the desk right across from Dino within striking distance.

DINO
I’m sorry, Jimmy, I’m sorry. Look, man, I got in over my head. I was double-crossed. I had a buyer lined up and on the way…

JIMMY
(interrupts)
Dino, I don’t want the labor pains. Just deliver the baby.

DINO
What?

JIMMY
Aren’t women expensive?

DINO
What? Yeah, sure. I guess so.

JIMMY
You guess so? Didn’t Martin find you with your girlfriend, cheating on
your wife?

DINO
Yeah.

JIMMY
I have a wife. She’s expensive. Always with the shoes. So here I am, with a wife that I can barely afford, loaning you money. And you have a wife AND a girlfriend and you’re borrowing money from me.

There’s a several second pause in the room.

DINO
I don’t know what you want me to say Jimmy?

JIMMY
I want you to say you have my fucking money!

DINO
But I don’t have the money.

JIMMY
Then where is it?

DINO
I don’t kn….

Before Dino can finish, Jimmy has impaled him in the thigh with a letter opener from his desk.

DINO
AAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!

Perry double checks the door to make sure it is closed.

Dino looks the letter opener protruding from his leg. There’s blood everywhere and he’s afraid to touch it. He’s sweating profusely.

DINO
Jesus Christ, why?

JIMMY
(ignoring him)
So I guess we have a dilemma. I guess, since you spent all my money on your girlfriend, I’ll have to have a girlfriend myself. Martin, go get me a girlfriend.

MARTIN
Yes, sir.

DINO
Jimmy, don’t please. She has nothing to do with it.

JIMMY
Give me my money back and I’ll give you your girlfriend back.
CUT TO:

I’ve struggled to come up with anything, so I’ve decided to write back-stories on some of the characters in the script. Today, I’ll start with the protagonist, Sam Weinstein.

Sam is a vascular surgeon for Henry Ford Hospital in Detroit. He’s been there thirty years. His residency was there and he’s lived in or near Detroit his entire life. He met his wife, Claire, during his residency at the hospital. She was a registered nurse. Claire was unable to conceive, so they never had children.

Several years ago, Sam’s hands started trembling. He has a family history of Parkinson’s disease, so fearing the worst, he refused to get it checked. As a vascular surgeon, he struggles with the guilt every time he goes into surgery and it has started affecting his ability to do his job. Sam’s hand will start to tremble while performing surgery and, while he’s unsure, he believes that he may have nicked one of Claire’s arteries while he was performing an aorto-bifemoral bypass on her and missed it while sewing her back up. She would later bleed to death internally. Sam still hasn’t recovered. To deal with the guilt, he started drinking….heavily. Today, he lives his life in a fog-like stupor of alcohol and regret and the only thing that makes him feel alive is the casino.

Sam likes to gamble, and with the kind of money they made, he gambles a lot. The only problem is, that when you have that kind of money, to feel the rush of winning or losing, you have to bet amounts that can actually hurt you. And in the past several years, Sam has done just that. He likes all the table games, roulette, craps, blackjack, pai gow poker, etc. He plays in the VIP room of Greektown Casino and it isn’t unusual for him to lose $2500 to $5,000 a sitting.

Rather then selling off investments to pay for the gambling habit, Sam turned to Jimmy Dimitrios (aka Jimmy the Greek) for loans.

This song reminds me of Sam:

I’ve made more changes. Stephen van Vuuren of Outside In was right, I need less exposition. It’s like amateur hour here. I should do a slow reveal that the woman haunting Sam is his wife. I also had to change a name. You shouldn’t have similar names unless it’s important in the story. No one wants to read a John and Johnny in the same scene (or same script for that matter).

I’m having writer’s block. I don’t know what to do in the next scene. I’m going to sleep on it tonight and write any piece of crap that comes to mind tomorrow. I need to get over this hurdle.

(Pages 1,2 &3)
INT. SAM’S OFFICE – MORNING

Modest office. White walls, two chairs facing a desk. A computer on the desk accompanied by a photo of a pretty middle-aged woman. Some nice artwork decorating the white walls.

SAM WEINSTEIN, 63, sits behind the desk wearing a lab coat. He’s staring at the photo of the woman. He pulls a small flask from his desk and pours some alcohol into a coffee mug half-filled with coffee. He uses his finger to stir his drink and takes a gulp. He leans back in his chair firmly gripping his coffee mug.

There’s a knocking at the door.

Sam hurriedly straightens up in his chair and stuffs the flask back into his desk.

SAM
Come in.

GLENDA FLETCHER, 54, sticks her head into the door.

GLENDA
Do you have a minute?

SAM
Yeah.

Glenda takes a seat.

GLENDA
The disciplinary board has decided to terminate your contract here at the hospital.

SAM
(confused)
What?

GLENDA
We’re going to offer you a severance package, but as of today, you no longer work here.

SAM
But I’ve been here thirty-five years. You can’t just fire me.

GLENDA
Well, we have. I’m sorry, Sam.

SAM
What the…you’ll be hearing from my lawy…

GLENDA
(interrupting)
You left a scalpel in a patient Sam! You know how much that’s going to cost us? We have to let you go just so we can afford the malpractice insurance that sure to go up. Jesus, Sam, what were you thinking?

SAM
(defiant)
I make one mistake in the three decades I’ve been here and you can’t wait to fire..

GLENDA
(interrupting)
That’s not a mistake, that’s gross negligence. You almost killed him.

SAM
He’s fine. He was back on his feet the next…

GLENDA
(interrupting again)
Having a scalpel..

SAM
(interrupting her)
Jesus Christ! Will you stop interrupting me?

They just sit there in silence for several seconds.

GLENDA
Are you drunk?

SAM
What? No!

GLENDA gets up and puts her head near his coffee mug that still in his hands. He pulls it away from her.

GLENDA
I can smell it from here. You’re drinking whiskey at nine in the morning?

SAM
It’s none of your fucking business.

GLENDA
I’ve heard rumors that you’re drinking on the job, but I couldn’t believe them. This is disappointing.

GLENDA turns and walks towards the exit.

GLENDA
Pack your things and be out of here today, please. I’ll send human resources later to take care of your severance package. You’ll have paperwork to sign. I suggest you do it.

GLENDA exits.

Sam rubs his finger around the rim of his coffee mug. He leans back into his chair, closes his eyes and takes a drink.

When Sam opens his eyes, a MIDDLE-AGED WOMAN, is sitting across from him with her hands resting gently in her lap. In her hands is a scalpel. Sam is so unnerved he flings his mug into the air spilling the rest of his drink on himself. The mug smashes on the ground.

Sam looks down at the mug. When he looks up, the middle-age woman is gone.

SAM
Shit!

CUT TO:

I added a little more to this scene. I thought I’d introduce Sam’s dead wife quickly into the movie and explain why she’s there.

(page 2 & 3)
Carolyn gets up and puts her head near his coffee mug that still in his hands. He pulls it away from her.

CAROLYN
I can smell it from here. You’re drinking whiskey at nine in the morning?

SAM
It’s none of your fucking business.

CAROLYN
I’ve heard rumors that you’re drinking on the job, but I couldn’t believe them. This is disappointing.

Carolyn turns and walks towards the exit.

CAROLYN
Pack your things and be out of here today, please. I’ll send human resources later to take care of your severance package. You’ll have paperwork to sign. I suggest you do it.

Carolyn opens the door and just as she’s about to leave, she turns and says..

CAROLYN
Claire’s been dead for over two years. It’s time to stop feeling sorry for yourself and get over it.

Carolyn exits.

Sam rubs his finger around the rim of his coffee mug. He closes his eyes and takes a drink.

CLAIRE
She’s right, you need to stop feeling sorry for yourself.

Sam pops up in his chair. His dead wife, CLAIRE WEINSTEIN, 55, is sitting across from him.

SAM
That would be easier if you weren’t haunting me.

CLAIRE
I wouldn’t be haunting you if you didn’t have such a guilty conscience. Only one case of malpractice? When are you going to tell her about the others.

SAM
Am I in hell, Claire? It that what this is? Am I dead and you alive?

CLAIRE
Don’t get all metaphysical on me. You know exactly what this is. You’ve done a bad, horrible thing and I’m your guilty conscience until you confess.

SAM
It doesn’t matter anymore. I’ve just been fired.

Sam opens up his drawer and grabs the flask. He looks up and Claire’s gone.

CUT TO:

I’ve heard from several that opening with the phone call wasn’t the way to go. I like it, but it’s been said by more than a couple of people, so I’m going to try to go another way with it. I might make the first call the first plot point.

This is the new opening. Sam is now a doctor.

(pages 1 & 2)
INT. SAM’S OFFICE – MORNING

Modest office. White walls, two chairs facing a desk. A computer on the desk accompanied by a photo of a pretty middle-aged woman. Some nice artwork decorating the white walls.

SAM WEINSTEIN, 63, sits behind the desk wearing a lab coat. He’s staring at the photo of the woman. He pulls a small flask from his desk and pours some alcohol into a coffee mug half-filled with coffee. He uses his finger to stir his drink and takes a gulp. He leans back in his chair firmly gripping his coffee mug.

There’s a knocking at the door.

Sam hurriedly straightens up in his chair and stuffs the flask back into his desk.

SAM
Come in.

CAROLYN FLETCHER, 54, sticks her head into the door.

CAROLYN
Do you have a minute?

SAM
Yeah.

Carolyn takes a seat.

CAROLYN
The disciplinary board has decided to terminate your contract here at the hospital.

SAM
(confused)
What?

CAROLYN
We’re going to offer you a severance package, but as of today, you no longer work here.

SAM
But I’ve been here thirty-five years. You can’t just fire me.

CAROLYN
Well, we have. I’m sorry, Sam.

SAM
What the…you’ll be hearing from my lawy…

CAROLYN
(interrupting)
You left a scalpel in a patient Sam! You know how much that’s going to cost us? We have to let you go just so we can afford the malpractice insurance that’s sure to go up. Jesus, Sam, what were you thinking?

SAM
(defiant)
I make one mistake in the three decades I’ve been here and you can’t wait to fire..

CAROLYN
(interrupting)
That’s not a mistake, that’s gross negligence. You almost killed him.

SAM
He’s fine. He was back on his feet the next…

CAROLYN
(interrupting again)
Having a scalpel..

SAM
(interrupting her)
Jesus Christ! Will you stop interrupting me?

They just sit there in silence for several seconds.

CAROLYN
Are you drunk?

SAM
What? No!

Carolyn gets up and puts her head near his coffee mug that still in his hands. He pulls it away from her.

CAROLYN
I can smell it from here. You’re drinking whiskey at nine in the morning?

SAM
It’s none of your fucking business.

Carolyn turns and walks towards the exit.

CAROLYN
Pack your things and be out of here today, please. I’ll send human resources later to take care of your severance package. You’ll have paperwork to sign. I suggest you do it.

Carolyn opens the door and just as she’s about to leave, she turns and says..

CAROLYN
Claire’s been dead for over two years. It’s time to stop feeling sorry for yourself and get over it.

Carolyn exits.

Sam rubs his finger around the rim of his coffee mug. He closes his eyes and finishes the drink.

CUT TO:

I took some time away. I did a little traveling. Went to Pittsburgh for the first time. Great city. I hit Pizza Palace in Knoxville, Tennessee while I passed through there. Pizza Palace is well-known because it was featured on Diners, Drive-Ins and Dives, one of my favorite shows.

I had the lasagna and Greek pizza. I was expecting more ingredients on the pizza, but there was only feta cheese to go along the mozzarella. But it was delicious. The lasagna wasn’t a typical lasagna. It was meat sauce, cheese and noodles thrown together and baked. It was a little salty, but still good. It was a good cheap meal. I’d eat there all the time if I lived there.

Anyways, back to work.

Over the weekend, Steve Feek of Feek writes, took the time to read my script and gave me some great notes on how to improve my script. I won’t mention them all, but the best one was to change Sam’s occupation to a doctor and have his job somehow be related to his wife’s death. It’s just an excellent fabulous suggestion and alleviates my problem of the audience not sympathizing with Sam. Now, I can have Sam do just about anything and people will still feel sorry for him. Awesome. Thanks so much, Steve.

Steve is one of the reasons I decided to post online. Why limit myself to the few people I know that would read it and offer feedback when I have the World Wide Web at my disposal? I think open-source writing could be big. Imagine the next Star Wars movie being a collection of great ideas from all the fanboys? I think it would be brilliant. It would need a head writer, director and producer to go through the crap and find the gems, but the possibilities would be amazing. Get on that Hollywood.

I’ve changed the deadline to May 1st for a revised draft. I’m not sure how I should post it online since it will be introduced to existing pages. I’ll figure it out.

There’s now so many platforms and browsers and macs and pcs…it’s impossible to know which is and isn’t going to work when doing anything online. Apparently the widget to download my script isn’t available on macs. At least, I’ve been told by one reader, and I know it doesn’t work on the iPad. So if anyone wants to read it, please e-mail me and I’ll be happy to send you the PDF of the script.

Tomorrow, I plan on reading it for the first time. I just printed it off and, yep, there’s the most pages I’ve ever put into one project. I just read the first page and I already want to rewrite it. It’s going to be a long rewrite. It’s funny that I started working on a short film I want to shoot soon and I wrote the first four pages of it yesterday and I think it’s the best four pages I’ve ever written. Now if I can only make it one hundred and twenty pages of the best thing I’ve ever written and I might have a sell on my hands.

I discovered this video today on Go Into the Story:

Great stuff from Ira Glass and a nice job on the video by David Shiyang Liu.

On the right, in my “widgets“, I’ve included a PDF file of the script so viewers don’t have to jump from page to page to read it. Remember, this is just the first draft and the script may change drastically. I also haven’t read it in its entirety yet nor have I spell checked it or checked for grammatical errors. It’s very rough. My goal was just to get it done.

I’m just going to list some of the main things I’d like to work on:

    1. The most important thing to me is that Sam’s character doesn’t feel right. We have no empathy for him. His struggle isn’t great enough. There’s something missing and I have to find it.

    2. Dialog. Too much of it sounds like me and there’s no accents. They’re all Greek, they should have accents. Plus, I want Perry to speak a broken English entirely. This will be a major fix and will be difficult, but I think it will make a major impact.

    3. Character development. Jimmy isn’t well thought out. He’s a cliché of every mob movie I’ve ever seen. I want to give him more depth. In fact, I want to give all of them more depth, but especially Jimmy.

    4. Women. It’s not that important because it’s a mobster movie and intended for a specific audience, but I’d either like to add another female character or make the ones I’m using more integral to the story. I’m actually thinking of adding Claire as a character. Even though she’s dead, it could interesting. It would also help in making Sam more sympathetic.

    5. Action. I’m not sure if the action scenes are intense enough or written well enough. I’m going to break down some of my favorite movie scripts and see how they are written and if mine stacks up. I’m sure it doesn’t.

If anyone else has any suggestions, please share. That was the point of posting the script online. I’m going to take a couple of weeks away from it and let it gestate. Meanwhile, I’m going to devour the contents of a new site I found about the entire screenwriting process, from conception to selling, called Go Into The Story. I’m also going to work on a short script idea I came up with the other day. I came across this site and it gave me the inspiration to make another claymation. It’s been too long.

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