Pages 54-58.

This is the scene I had previously posted. I believe I’ve tightened it up. It was the only scene that didn’t work well after I read the script.

Now I have to focus on getting Sam to the bludgeoning death scene that I love so much in the first draft. He seems resigned and fairly composed in this scene for someone going through so much. I want to shake his cage in the next few scenes where murder suddenly seems possible.

(Pages 54-58)


The phone rings.

Sam rustling in the sheets.

God damn it!
(picks up the phone)
I told you to stop fucking calling me!

How about we just stop by instead.

Martin is in the room.

Sam turns on the light.

Perry and Martin are standing over him. Martin has his cell phone opened. He was the one making the call.

What the fuck are you doing here? Get out of my house! I fucking told you I dropped off the money already. If you think you’re getting anoth….

Martin duct-tapes his mouth shut. Perry follows right behind with a bag over the head.



Jimmy removes the bag from Sam’s head.

Sam is strapped to a chair still wearing his white t-shirt and undies.

Jimmy conspicuously grabs the letter opener and hides it from Sam’s sight. He has a seat across from Sam.

Perry and Martin are standing behind Sam.

Jimmy reaches over and rips the duct-tape off.

Are you guys having fun?

Fun? No, I’m not having fun. You?

Me? A sixty year old man getting kidnapped, gagged, blind-folded and dragged somewhere in the middle of the night….yeah, I’m having a blast. What do you have planned for the encore.

That all depends. Wher…

Where’s your money? Yeah, yeah, I’ve heard it all before. This is the modus operandi now? Steal money from old people. I’m not one of your two-bit junkies angling for a fix. I’m not going to play ball with you.

Jimmy inhales deeply and rubs his temples. His body language suggests he’s getting upset.

Okay, let’s start from the top, because I’m a little confused.

Really? We’re going to continue to play.

Humor me.

Two nights ago, you called me telling me you wanted me to drop the money off at a different location because you had too much heat here. I did and now we’re here.

Drop it off where?

Under a bridge on Conant, just south of Jefferson.

How do you know it was me?

I assumed. It sounded like you. Or Martin back there. I’m not sure. It was late and I wasn’t fully awake. Besides, who else would know I owe you money?

Jimmy sits there a beat.

Perry, find the location.


Perry exits.

Well, it wasn’t me.

Then Martin.

Martin shakes his head no.

It wasn’t any of my people.

That’s impossible.

Anyways, why the fuck would you drop off that kind of money in the middle of nowhere? Are you fucking stupid.

It’s not like I do this shit for a living. It sounded legitimate.

Really? Jesus Christ.
(to Martin)
Give him his clothes. Let him go.
(back to Sam)
You have two days to get my money. Next time we come, we won’t be so nice.

Jimmy angrily slams the letter opener back into the holder on the desk and walks behind the desk.

Well, you might as well kill me now, because I’m not going to pay you twice.

Jimmy jumps across his desk and onto Sam knocking him to the ground. Jimmy stands over him and starts pummeling him with punches. When he’s done, Sam is bloodied and bruised to pulp.

(wiping his bloody hands clean)
You’re going to pay me. You got that motherfucker? I don’t like being fucked with. I don’t care if it’s a two-bit hustler or a grandpa surgeon or a fucking cop! No one fucks me over. If you don’t care about your life, then I’ll find someone’s life you do care about. Got it?
(to Martin)
Get him out of here.



…starting to get back into the flow. I read my script this weekend and caught a ton of typos and mental mistakes. I’m not happy with the very last scene so I deleted it and am going to rewrite it. I’ve also added a little foreshadowing to make the ending a little easier to swallow.

Below is the addition to the scene where Sam drops off the money. As he pulls into the main street, off of the side street he’s on, he’s going to hit one of the kids on his bike. This happened to me when I was a kid, so I thought it would be fun to add a personal bit into the script. I think viewers will appreciate it at the end.

(Scenes 39 & 40)

Sam climbs up and out of the bridge. Gets in his car and drives away.


Sam pulls to the end of the street. He looks left to see if any cars are coming and pulls out into traffic. The car hits something. He looks to the right and doesn’t see anything.


Sam exits the car and goes to the front of the car. There’s a KID, 14, on a bike pinned under the car. The front tire has trapped the bike that has trapped the kid.

Shit, kid, you okay?

I can’t get up.

I’ll back up.

Sam gets into the car and backs up. The kid quickly hops up and peels away.

Sam opens the door and shouts…

Hey! You okay?

The kid shouts behind him as he races along…

Watch where you’re going, asshole.


Good and bad…

The good news is that I completed my screenplay assignment (I’d say what it was, but I’m not sure my friend was allowed to give me the script….it hasn’t been produced yet) and watched both Avengers and Mission Impossible: Ghost Protocol (both good) (I also threw in The Descendants…that was a GREAT movie) but I still haven’t gotten to my script yet. I’ve just been in a funk lately and my brain has no interest in being creative in that way. I’m sure I’ll get back to it soon and get the second draft done.

This week, for 1, 2, 7, 14, I plan on reading my own script. Yes, I said it. I’ve been avoiding it like the plague. I’m hyper-critical of my own work as I don’t like anything I’ve ever done. And the two movies I plan to watch are On The Ice (a movie I funded through Kickstarter) and the documentary Gasland. One of these days, I’d like to make a documentary, but I want the passion to be so great that I HAVE to make it. I’ve yet to get that feeling.

Getting back into the flow.

I’ve been away and unproductive due to a death in the family and my own father battling kidney failure. My mother was kind enough to move back into dad’s house to take care of him. I had to drive from my home in Winston-Salem, North Carolina to pick her up in Satanta, Kansas then drive her to Flint, Michigan. It’s been an exhausting month. I can’t wait to get my life back to normal.

While I was there, I took some pictures and posted it to my new photography website. I’ll be posting more photos there in a couple of days.

I sat down to start working on the script today and was surprised that I had no idea where I was with it and what was going on. I’m going to have to go back over my notes and re-read it from the beginning.

Meanwhile, I’m going to start doing Go Into The Story’s 1, 2, 7, 14 formula for increasing one’s skills at screenwriting.

    My plans for this week are:
  • 1: I’m going to read a script, that was written by a friend of a friend, that has won a couple of screenwriting awards.
  • 2: The movies I’m going to watch are Mission Impossible: Ghost Protocol and The Avengers. Both look pretty good to me.
  • 14: And while driving through dust-bowl town after dust-bowl town, I came up with a great idea for a comedy drama script that I can’t wait to write. That will be what my fourteen hours of prep work will be towards.