Well, that it’s. First draft is finished. It has a long way to go to be ready to shoot, but I think I know where the deficiencies are and I should be able to fix them. I’m going to take a break and come back to it in a week or two and see how I still feel about it. I actually wrote it straight through without going back and reading what I’ve already written. It was almost like a stream of conscious thing. It will be weird to print it off and read it in one sitting.
In the next day or so, I’m going to post what the next steps are, what I think can be improved on in the script and what my goals are.
This was actually a big big goal of mine. I’m so excited that I posted a Bucket List on my blog so I could commemorate the joyous event. Now there’s only eleven goals left and then I can die. Looking forward to it.
Oh yeah, I figured out what was going on with Celtx. On the desktop application, you have to go to Save To Celtx under the File tab. The weird thing is, you don’t have to on the iPad app. There, you just hit the cloud button. It should be the same on both apps to avoid confusion, but it isn’t. Beware.
On to the script….
I backtracked a little into the previous scene because I didn’t like how it ended. And now everyone knows what happened to the money. Enjoy (I hope).
(Pages 90, 91 & 92)
Martin passes Perry the paper.
Perry reads it.
Is that Dino?
It sure is. The fucker actually did win the lottery.
I didn’t think Sam had the balls to pull something like that.
He must’ve been convinced someone stole from him for someone to go to those lengths. You guys are lucky he didn’t think it was you that stole from him.
Oh, he did.
There’s an uncomfortable silence. Martin realizes what’s about to happen and goes for his gun, but it’s too late.
Jimmy quickly pulls out a gun and fires two shots into Martin and then two shots at Perry. He hits Martin right in the head and Perry in the chest. Martin dies instantly.
Perry starts crawling away on the dirty concrete floor.
Jimmy stands over him.
I’m sorry, Perry, but one of you stole from me and I’ll never know which one. So you both gotta go.
Jimmy fires another shot killing Perry.
Jimmy walks back to his desk and sits down in the chair. He pulls out a handkerchief and wipes his gun clean and holsters it.
Jimmy sits for several seconds in complete silence.
FADE TO BLACK:
INT. BEDROOM – NIGHT
Against a black screen a telephone rings.
There’s the rustling sound of sheets as Sam goes to answer the phone.
Where the fuck is my money?
You fucking heard me. Where the fuck is my money?
Okay, okay. I’ll bring it tomorrow.
INT. TEENS BEDROOM – CONTINUOUS
A pimple-faced teenager, DAVID, 15, hangs up the phone.
In the room with him are TERRY, 14, and RYAN, 14.
There’s a phonebook opened up and hundreds of names are blacked out with a felt marker crossing them out. Sam Goldstein was next on the list.
Oh my God, he fucking bought it!
I can’t believe that shit worked!
The teens erupt in laughter.
(through the walls)
Ryan, your father and I are trying to sleep in here!
EXT. DOWNTOWN DETROIT – MORNING
The teenagers are in the park, keeping watch of the location drop off. They are on bicycles and split about fifty yards from each but within each other’s eyesight.
Terry is the one closest to the drop and the only one with a good eyeline to the trash can.
Sam starts walking across the field with the briefcase.
Ryan sees Sam and sees the briefcase. He motions to Terry that it might be the guy. Terry nods in response.
Terry watches as Sam puts the suitcase in the trash.
Sam walks away and the teenagers stay put until they see Sam drive away. Once he does they all peddle to the trash.
Terry gets to the case first and waits until Ryan and David arrive. Once they do, Terry opens it and it’s filled with hundred dollar bills wrapped.
Put it in the backpack.
Terry takes off his backpack and they dump all the money in there.
Check and make sure no one is watching us, Ryan.
Ryan peddles out from under the bridge to make sure no one is there. It’s clear.
It looks clear.
Terry finishes dumping all the money into the backpack and throws the suitcase back into the trash.
The teenagers race away from the drop off point towards the sunrise..
FADE TO BLACK: