Revised…………again.

I’ve made more changes. Stephen van Vuuren of Outside In was right, I need less exposition. It’s like amateur hour here. I should do a slow reveal that the woman haunting Sam is his wife. I also had to change a name. You shouldn’t have similar names unless it’s important in the story. No one wants to read a John and Johnny in the same scene (or same script for that matter).

I’m having writer’s block. I don’t know what to do in the next scene. I’m going to sleep on it tonight and write any piece of crap that comes to mind tomorrow. I need to get over this hurdle.

(Pages 1,2 &3)
INT. SAM’S OFFICE – MORNING

Modest office. White walls, two chairs facing a desk. A computer on the desk accompanied by a photo of a pretty middle-aged woman. Some nice artwork decorating the white walls.

SAM WEINSTEIN, 63, sits behind the desk wearing a lab coat. He’s staring at the photo of the woman. He pulls a small flask from his desk and pours some alcohol into a coffee mug half-filled with coffee. He uses his finger to stir his drink and takes a gulp. He leans back in his chair firmly gripping his coffee mug.

There’s a knocking at the door.

Sam hurriedly straightens up in his chair and stuffs the flask back into his desk.

SAM
Come in.

GLENDA FLETCHER, 54, sticks her head into the door.

GLENDA
Do you have a minute?

SAM
Yeah.

Glenda takes a seat.

GLENDA
The disciplinary board has decided to terminate your contract here at the hospital.

SAM
(confused)
What?

GLENDA
We’re going to offer you a severance package, but as of today, you no longer work here.

SAM
But I’ve been here thirty-five years. You can’t just fire me.

GLENDA
Well, we have. I’m sorry, Sam.

SAM
What the…you’ll be hearing from my lawy…

GLENDA
(interrupting)
You left a scalpel in a patient Sam! You know how much that’s going to cost us? We have to let you go just so we can afford the malpractice insurance that sure to go up. Jesus, Sam, what were you thinking?

SAM
(defiant)
I make one mistake in the three decades I’ve been here and you can’t wait to fire..

GLENDA
(interrupting)
That’s not a mistake, that’s gross negligence. You almost killed him.

SAM
He’s fine. He was back on his feet the next…

GLENDA
(interrupting again)
Having a scalpel..

SAM
(interrupting her)
Jesus Christ! Will you stop interrupting me?

They just sit there in silence for several seconds.

GLENDA
Are you drunk?

SAM
What? No!

GLENDA gets up and puts her head near his coffee mug that still in his hands. He pulls it away from her.

GLENDA
I can smell it from here. You’re drinking whiskey at nine in the morning?

SAM
It’s none of your fucking business.

GLENDA
I’ve heard rumors that you’re drinking on the job, but I couldn’t believe them. This is disappointing.

GLENDA turns and walks towards the exit.

GLENDA
Pack your things and be out of here today, please. I’ll send human resources later to take care of your severance package. You’ll have paperwork to sign. I suggest you do it.

GLENDA exits.

Sam rubs his finger around the rim of his coffee mug. He leans back into his chair, closes his eyes and takes a drink.

When Sam opens his eyes, a MIDDLE-AGED WOMAN, is sitting across from him with her hands resting gently in her lap. In her hands is a scalpel. Sam is so unnerved he flings his mug into the air spilling the rest of his drink on himself. The mug smashes on the ground.

Sam looks down at the mug. When he looks up, the middle-age woman is gone.

SAM
Shit!

CUT TO:

One Comment

Add yours →

  1. It’s not amateur, just hard to be objective about your own material. You’re smart for posting and getting feedback. I do like this approach – flinging his coffee is a nice touch. Gave me chills and can’t wait to see that scene on film.

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